Over the years, and depending on our age, we've all developed strategies for this time of year, especially this weekend when four games are going at once. College students pool their TVs into one big, four-or-more-screened multiplex. Those of us in the working world have plenty of online options. It's not as rare as you'd like to think for some fellas to take Thursday and Friday off work to recover from a conveniently-timed vasectomy.
But if you need that little extra oomph, we've got you covered, customizable for your choice in National Championships (bet you didn't realize there were four!) or World Championships this weekend:
As you may or may not know student-athletes from the University at Buffalo will be competing this weekend in the National Championship. I, a Buffalo ________2, will thus be absent from _________3 on ________4 following the Bulls' __________5 team.
_________6 is looking for the first _______7 since ________8, and it is my sworn duty as a Buffalo ______2 to follow them in their quest for a championship. I am sure you understand.
1 Boss, professor, wife
2Alum, student, bandwagoner, Olympic sports fanatic
3Work, class, you and the kids
4Thursday; Friday; Thursday and Saturday; Thursday through Saturday; Friday
5Men's Basketball, Women's Basketball, Women's Swimming and Diving, Wrestling, Track and Field
6UB Men's Hoops; UB Women's Hoops; Megan Burns; Bryan Lantry, Colt Cotten, and Joe Ariola; Jon Jones
7NCAA Tournament win, Postseason win, All-American, All-American; World Champion
8Ever; Ever; Mallory Morrell in 2013; Kyle Cerminara in 2004; Ever
We'll have full UB coverage of all four national championships and IAAF Worlds here at Bull Run. All you have to do is deliver this note to the appropriate parties.