The Essential Bull Run Glossary Ed. 1 Vol. 5

This is the final installment in an attempt to create a working compendium of Bull Run terms and dictionary entries in advance of the 2014 season. Catch parts one through four here:

The Essential UB Bull Run Glossary: Ed. 1 Vol. 1 - Bull Run

The Essential Bull Run Glossary Ed. 1, Vol. 2 - Bull Run

The Essential Bull Run Glossary Ed. 1, Vol. 3 - Bull Run

The Essential Bull Run Glossary Ed. 1 Vol. 4 - Bull Run

THE BEER EXCHANGE - But for a very small number of our readership, THE BEER EXCHANGE is just an urban legend, waiting for us in Kalamazoo whenever we make it there. But the internet, and a small portion of modern-day Marcos Polo tell us  THE BEER EXCHANGE is a real place, and one deserving of our attention.

In short, prices at the Exchange are variable based on demand. 'Sure, like everything in life,' you're saying with your freshman year economics textbook. The beauty of the Exchange though... I'll let them tell it in their own words:

Offering 28 rotating draught beers from around the world, the Kalamazoo Beer Exchange bases pricing of these draught beers on real-time sales, like the stock market, resulting in an ever-evolving happy hour. Occasional "market crashes" will occur daily, dropping beer prices to their all-time low.

Plus, PLUS, they're in Kalamazoo. So they have Bell's. They have Founders. They probably have Revolution. They have Great Lakes (though we can get that here). They don't have Three Floyds, because those guys don't distribute their stuff anywhere. But they have Founders! And sometimes it's ridiculously cheap!

TEPPER BLITZ - Before we do this one, let's all pour one out for the end of the 2013 season, because TEPPER BLITZ was never more in vogue than during the season-ending losses to Bowling Green and San Diego State. A TEPPER BLITZ is taking dominant forces on the defensive line and completely neutralizing them by rushing only 3, dropping 8 guys into coverage, and letting the opposing offensive line double-team multiple guys on UB's front four. Conrad covered this in his post-Potato Bowl thoughts:

It is my belief that the defense should dictate their matchup. If Khalil is getting double teamed, you send 5 at the QB. Let the offense choose between doubling Mack and letting someone come free. You don't rush 3 and let them double Mack AND double our 2nd best option.

I personally would want my coach to put my best player in the position to make the big play. If a sack needs to be made, Mack has the greatest probability of making it, so EVERY play should be designed with getting him a favorable matchup in mind.

REAL JOURNALISTS - This one is yet another born out of this wildly-popular Todd Kress post from late last fall. During the commenting fallout, which involved a ton of representation on both sides of the story, we at Bull Run were accused of not being 'real journalists.'

Fortunately for us, we're not real journalists. Just a group of fan bloggers who, at the time, numbered only four, three of whom lived out of state. All we really know about the turnover in the volleyball department was that *something* went down, and there was misconduct *somewhere*. But we couldn't nail down quite what happened, and as such avoided pinning anyone to a cross. In the eyes of some readers, this was a failure, and example of our lack of chops as 'real journalists'. Nowadays, whenever we don't know something, it's because of this glaring deficiency in our pedigree.

MARTIN SAMARCO - God, another Bowling Green basketball one. Martin Samarco makes this list as a sharpshooting guard for a couple years' worth of Falcons teams, but especially because he straight up murderated UB whenever they faced off. Samarco shot 39% from beyond the arc during his time at Bowling Green on his way to 19 ppg, but always amped it up for a game against the Bulls. Furthermore, the guy was the first in a long line of MAC agitators that includes Alex 'expelled for running a drug operation' Abreu (Akron), and Andre 'Brazilian 'fro' Coimbra (CMU), and was just a pain in the ass.

In four games spanning two seasons against Buffalo, the guard scored 17, 23, 30, and 43 points against the Bulls, knocking down seven three-pointers in two of those games, six in another, and attempting an incredible 16th in the fourth, in which despite going 2-16 from distance he managed 17 points in a 90-98 Bowling Green loss.

Most of all, though, we remember Martin Samarco for his role in the greatest mano-a-mano battle UB basketball has seen in the last 15 years. See below.

MARTIN SAMMARCO VS ERIC MOORE - This game, man.

I'll just leave this here to start:

Buffalo vs Bowling Green (01/07/07 at Bowling Green, Ohio (Anderson Arena)) - Buffalo

We've already talked about Samarco, but you should know about Eric Moore. Eric Moore is the best three-point shooter Buffalo has had in the last fifteen years. Better than Cage, Filzen, or anyone else. The dude would just turn it on and pour it in. We don't remember him very well, because he didn't get a ton of time his freshman year, and transferred to Farleigh Dickinson after his sophomore year after a rumoured disagreement with Reggie. In that one year, though, Moore proved to be one of the top shooters in the conference, and never shone more brightly than January 7th against Bowling Green in Anderson Arena.

As you can see from the box score, Moore was red-hot, shooting 11 for 16 from beyond the arc to match Samarco's 7 threes and 43 points. It truly was a great game featuring two heavyweights, and Buffalo held the lead with seconds to go and Samarco trapped in the corner. Then this happened:

Because it's Buffalo.

ALEX NUTZ - It is impossible to communicate how infuriating this was. Despite the pending sainthood of long-time UB Football play-by-play guy Paul Peck, for one game last year UB Fans were treated to WGR's Howard Simon on their video feed. The man who never paid attention to UB, who worked for a radio station that never paid attention to UB, proceeded to butcher Alex Neutz's name for a full three hours, literally adding insult to injury after Neutz suffered a concussion as a result of a headshot from UMass DB Antoine Tharpe. It was the most talked about aspect of that game;

If Neutz wasn't concussed, he probably would have busted this sucker out:

JAMES STARKS - James Starks is another one of these 'if you don't know him, go google for a bit then come back to this article.' A local kid from Niagara Falls, Starks came to UB with his eye on the quarterback position but was quickly moved to running back, where he became one of the best ever to suit up for UB. Despite losing his senior season to a torn labrum in his shoulder, Starks still graduated atop most of UB's record books, though he has since been supplanted by Branden Oliver.

After serving as an instrumental part of UB's offense in the 2008 Championship season, Starks was happily drafted by the Green Bay Packers and won a Super Bowl ring in his rookie season, emerging during the playoffs as a dangerous running threat. Since then, his career has been slowed by injuries and the rise of John Kuhn and Eddie Lacy on the depth chart, but year over year Starks does enough to keep coming back.

SHAQHEAD IN CHIEF DAN DAKICH - See THE BUZZER GAME. Also consider that after the events of the buzzer game, Dakich somehow found himself in charge of the Indiana Hoosiers and is now a highly respected basketball analyst for ESPN.

COURT JESTER IN CHIEF PJ FLECK - PJ Fleck is the head coach of Western Michigan. He is a damned fool, but recruits seem to like him. I'll let the videos do the talking, but it's apparent the guy has been to one too many Tony Robbins conferences.

WHAT IS BUFFALO SUCKS? - Prior to the LEON WILLIAMS game, UB secured their berth in the MAC Final in the second semifinal. Ohio, the ultimate champion, had already played earlier in the evening. WHAT IS BUFFALO SUCKS? occurred during an innocuous halftime/timeout crowd participation contest.

Kyle Whelliston once had an incredible description of the moment on his midmajority blog, but he selfishly deleted the entire blog when he stopped writing because he is a hoity-toity prima donna who is in love with his own intellectualism. Fortunately Conrad once again has an expert description that will save me some grey hairs:

The fun of the Cleveland games is that it is a rare situation where fans from eight schools are all in the same building. It was there I realized the fans develop the rivalries, not the teams. The next night 4 teams returned, Ohio beat their arch rivals the Redhawks and Buffalo took on Western Michigan. As Buffalo played, an in-game promotion gave an Ohio fan center stage, he used it to poke at Buffalo.

The student had to answer three questions and hit a shot to win a prize. He wasted his 3 trivia questions to say "Buffalo Sucks." The kid got the response he wanted, 3/4 of the Arena laughed and 1/4 of the Arena exploded with murderous rage. Once it became apparent Buffalo was going to make it to the final, I remember Ohio fans running to the UB student section to antagonize us while we tried to enjoy our victory.

I already hated Ohio, but at that moment, hundreds of UB fans who made the trip hated Ohio too. We had our rival and we were going to face off for the championship.

HAKUNA LICATA - Can you believe Joe Licata is only a junior? I sure can't. He's been around forever. Someday we'll call him Methuselah Licata. But for now, he is Hakuna Licata

Hakuna Licata, what a wonderful phrase!

Hakuna Licata, UB's passing craze!

It means no worries for the rest of your games
An interception-free philosophy, Hakuna Licata

Why, when Quinn was a young head coach
--When I was a young head coach!

He found his QB's couldn't quite get by

Zordich's passes were just too damn high!
He's a sensitive soul, though he seems thick-skinned
And it hurt that his fans never saw any wins

And every game, he was ashamed
Thought of coaching for Maine, (it's only a game!)
He was down on his luck, (how did you feel?) Every game we were
(Danny, not in front of the kids!) oh sorry

Hakuna Licata, what a wonderful phrase
Hakuna Licata, UB's passing craze
It means no worries for the rest of your games, (yeah, sing it, kid)
An interception-free philosophy, Hakuna Licata

Hakuna Licata
Hakuna Licata
Hakuna Licata
Hakuna Licata

It means no worries for the rest of your games
An interception-free philosophy, Hakuna Licata

Hakuna Licata
Hakuna Licata
Hakuna Licata

THE MULKEY WAY - Byron Mulkey was yet another local guy who stepped in and was a big factor for UB - this time on the hardwood. As UB's guards went down to multiple injuries during his freshman year, Mulkey, a walk-on paying for school thanks to an academic scholarship, developed an instant chemistry with senior Yassin Idbihi and helped control UB's offense during MAC play.

He's even better-known, however, for his contributions at the end of his UB career, when the former Niagara Wheatfield star redshirted what would have been his senior year to help Coach Witherspoon even out the scholarship distribution. In his final season in 2010-11, Mulkey averaged 13 points and 4.5 rebounds, providing needed senior leadership to a Bulls team in transition.

B.A.W.B. - Brett Hamlin is probably the most overlooked member of the 2008 Football Team. Starting at WR opposite future NFLer Naaman Roosevelt and sharig touches with TE Jesse Rack, Hamlin was quietly one of the better receivers in the conference, a Welker-type before Welker was any good. Practically every catch was a first down.

Unfortunately, practically every touchdown resulted in an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. If Mike Hargrove was 'The Human Rain Delay,' then Brett Hamlin was 'The Walking Personal Foul.' My favorite was when he scored a touchdown and then immediately ran to the field goal post, jumped on it, and slid down it like a fireman's pole.

BAWB was a mantra that was always inscribed somewhere on Hamlin's helmet or gear. Standing for 'Bad Ass White Boy,' it makes a bit of sense.

via farm4.static.flickr.com

THUNDER DAN / REDBLACKS - These aren't in all caps just because they're headers - THUNDER DAN and REDBLACKS must always appear in all caps. You know that scene in Anchorman where Steve Carrell just walks up and yells 'LOUD NOISES'? It's like that.

REDBLACKS is born out of Bull Run's CFL coverage. It's the name of a team. A real organization that is trying to make money. A real organization that is trying to make money demands that everyone refer to them in all caps. REDBLACKS.

Thank God Willy is on the Blue Bombers.

THUNDER DAN REQUIRES LESS EXPLANATION, BUT MORE YELLING.

Okay, that's a lie. I just left Caps Lock on a little too long.

1) It's THUNDER DAN. It's just fun to yell

2) This gif:

via cdn2.sbnation.com

3) UB BASKETBALL IS PLAYING THUNDER DAN THIS YEAR

THUNDER DAN

REDBLACKS

THUNDER DAN

SIX FOOT THREE INCH 230 POUND MARCUS COKER - Once upon a time, there was a SportsTimeOhio-based announcer named Michael Reghi. He was a pretty good basketball announcer, and knew a lot about the MAC, even if he showed a little favoritism to the Ohios, Akrons, and Kents of the world.

Last year, we were blessed (#blessed) to get Michael Reghi for the Stony Brook game.

If you didn't follow the Stony Brook game, good for you. It was five hours of misery. Horrible, bland football. By the fourth overtime we didn't care how it ended. And it went another overtime after that.

This was plenty of time for Michael Reghi to sing the praises of SIX FOOT THREE INCH 230 POUND MARCUS COKER. Honestly, I don't think the guy mentioned him by anything else. Never 'Coker.' Never 'Marcus Coker.' Always SIX FOOT THREE INCH 230 POUND MARCUS COKER.

It was the most memorable thing about that horrible, horrible, game.

NICK SIZEMORE - #Quinnball at it's finest. Nick Sizemore was an all-state HS player out of Pennsylvania who came to UB ready to play fullback under Turner Gill, only to discover that Coach Quinn had eliminated the fullback position from all of UB. Sizemore, naturally, was converted to play center at 230 pounds before transferring and getting far, far away from this place. To this day, Nick Sizemore is a callback to someone playing wildly out of position, or to those times when a coach forces his existing talent into his theoretical system.

THE FOUR 'F'S - Have you ever wondered why Coach Quinn is such a happy, jovial, man? It's thanks to THE FOUR 'F'S.  In Family, Faith, Football, and Fishing, Coach Quinn finds everything he needs in life.

On their own, they're fairly innocuous. There's no 'row the boat' conceit or Belichickian mystique around them. But Bull Run editors have long considered the possibility of a FIFTH F. There's little evidence for it's existence, but those children didn't magically pop out of the ground.

That's it for this initial edition of the Essential Bull Run Glossary. You can find links to the first four volumes up above, and below in the comments let us know what we missed, either by supplying your own definition or requesting a definition from other commenters. Cheers.