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Miami To Honor Nation's Villains Tuesday*

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Miami welcomes all foreign enemies, national traitors, military deserters, arsonists, criminals and last responders to the first ever tribute to America's Villains during the Buffalo game on Tuesday.

Bradley Leeb-USA TODAY Sports

Oxford, Ohio - In response to Northern Illinois' tribute to America's Heroes, Miami has announced they will pay tribute to America's Villains this Tuesday. During their 48-27 win over Ball State last week, NIU wore red white and blue jerseys with "heroes" displayed on each player's nameplate. Miami officials decided in the interests of inclusiveness, that they should step up and do their part to honor the villains of the world.

A Miami Administrator added: "NIU is the best team in the MAC, but they don't get there without awful MAC teams, they are the heroes, but teams like EMU, WMU, Umass and Akron helped them get there. There can be no heroes without villains, and as the absolute worst team in the MAC, we felt we should honor the villains who make it all possible."

Miami has made no plans to create a special jersey for the event, as their redesigned 2013 jerseys are already the representation of pure evil. The Miami Administrator said the evil jerseys were just a coincidence and were not redesigned with Villain's Day in mind.

*Satire asterisk for those who need it.