This week UB Will be taking on Bowling Green in their first conference game of the season. And, as I'm sure you all know Dave Clawson's team has not bigger fan than:
The Falconer, who used to go by Ken Mortimer, left his bland and pedestrian life to live in the woods. For years nobody new why, until today! You see, after Bowling Green won their second consecutive MAC championship under Gary Blackney Ken was overtaken by a passion for this team, and falcons in general.
So, Falconer, what do you think of Bowling Green in recent years, and this season?
Not since Donald and I moved to the woods outside of Bowling Green have I been so happy. When Urban Meyer left and Greg Brandon took over I knew the program was going to be for some hard times. You see, I was there that fateful knight when UB defeated us in overtime to clinch the division. Brandon's harsh words burned like hot falcon droppings in my ears. I thought that I loved a team that would not love me back.
But Dave Clawson, that falcon of a man, in his first season took Bowling green to the blue turf of the humanitarian bowl, and took my heart which is not forever his.
This season has been difficult. I was elated when, after two weeks of tight games, my beloved Falcons defeated that cast off Marshall (A team I don't think is worthy of an annual match up with Bowling Green). But again, like a wounded Falcon I was taken from amazing heights to the depths of the most humiliating defeat I have ever seen.
Well one thing that Clawson brought with him was the vaunted Claw-Fence, how is that working out for you this year?
I had an interesting conversation with a man who got lost in the woods. Oh how I crave an offense that does not turn the ball over two and a half times a game. It's as if some great Genie has decided to torment my soul by handing Bowling Green a passing offense ranked in the top five in the conference only to throw seven interceptions.
And we so need that passing offense, because our rushing game is so unreliable. Two games this year we have rushed for less than 50 yards *two games*. Donald and I were not pleased when the lost hiker blew off this glaring weakness as unimportant.
Kamar Jorden, he said, would fill the role left open by Freddie Barnes. Jorden's 10 receptions and 100 plus yards per game is indeed impressive but it's nothing compared to what Barnes accomplished last season.
Well enough about the offense, what do you think about that defense?
After the Wolverines of Michigan so badly destroyed us Donald was ready to seek comfort in the arms of another fan, a Michigan fan. I pleaded with him to forgive Bowling green for one bad week. Donald was quick to point out that we have only held Marshall under four hundred yards (376) and have twice given up more than 500.
Truly ours is a defense that is near the worst in the league. Quarterbacks can enjoy the wide open spaces of their backfield like Donald enjoys soaring in the sky.
So did Donald "do the deed", are you ready to ump ship.
No, and I am ashamed to say it was not Donald who backed out but that unworthy Michigan fan. Can you imagine rejecting the love of a Falcon with the looks of Donald?
As for me I will never abandon Bowling Green, I love them more than I love snickers. I love them nearly as much as I love Donald. That Claw-Fense, a name that conveys the Talon like grip that we can have on opposing defenses, will always be there for me and I will always be there for them.
So what do you think of this weeks game?
Donald and I expecting to be feasting on Bull Carcasses! While it is true that we have suffered this season we will have Matt Shiltz and Ben Bojicic will be back and there will be no holding back our offensive attack. I fully expect to win by more than two scores.
And this, this will be the game that turns around out season for, you see, Falcons are God's most lovely creature and will will dominate that MAC.