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Jeff Quinn Welcomes Coach Hurley

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Kevin Hoffman-US PRESSWIRE

Coach Hurley,

I am delighted to welcome you into the UB coaching family. When I arrived, your predecessor gave me a few words of advice about winning at home and trying to finish in the top five of the conference and developing players, and I have to admit, all of his advice was crap. I did none of that and I'm still here, I'm still standing, and he, well he's gone. So I thought I would give you my Jeff Quinn Next Bearcat Bull In certified ten step plan to success.

1) Alienate your star. I ignored that lump Zach Maynard, and was free to find and develop my own Quarterback. Licata Time baby. You got that kid McCrea, text him and tell him you're moving him to Point Guard and then never return his calls or texts.

2) Reject all current recruits. This fanbase will attribute all successes for three-four years to Reggie, so start supporting the "bare cupboard" defense by rejecting the entire recruit class.

3) Slogan! Change UB True Blue to the Buffalo Berserkers, it's like Duke's Cameron Crazies but it's Buffalo...never let them forget you're from Duke.

4) Speaking of...book Coach K for the season tipoff luncheon, better get on that, I hear he's hard to get.

5) Change the Uniforms, if you change the uniforms they will be forced to stop showing old highlights, which comes in handy just in case your teams have no real highlights.

6) Study real hard to beat Ohio, like once...trust me, one Ohio win is worth like seven MAC wins

7) Repeat after me: "it's part of the process"

8) Lighten up that schedule...no one remembers S.O.S. during extension renegotiations.

9 Speaking of extensions, it's never too soon to ask for an extension, get back to that renegotiation table.

10) No subs, run your starting five 40 minutes a game, every game, it's not your fault if your good players breakdown.

Best of luck as you take over in the coming months,

Jeff "Jafar" Quinn

Head Ball Coach

Buffalo Football