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The Postseason Meal: 2012 Pt. 1

Chris Hondros

The Postseason Meal will have to sustain us all until the Bulls return to Columbus, Ohio in 2013. The goal of the postseason meal is to Hydrate, Nutritionate and Reflect on the season that was.

A football season is like a meal. There is a long period of preparation and anticipation, then the meal is devoured quickly. A good meal, leaves you wanting more, A healthy meal, energizes you for hours after. A bad tasting meal leaves you sick to your stomach, and reluctant to eat any more. A meal that is bad for you leaves you bloated, tired, and generally unhealthy.

A 4-8 season, is by no means tasty, but it is the 4th best season in UB's FBS history. Jeff Quinn officially became the 2nd most winningest coach in UB's FBS history. Quinn was extended, and even with mediocre win loss records, if he survives through 2017, he will be the winningest coach in UB FBS history. As said best by Jay-Z: "When you're used to filet mignon, it's kinda hard to go back to Hamburger Helper"

Well we are generally used to stale bread and warm water (12 wins 1999-2006), so Hamburger Helper isn't all that bad. The only problem is, Turner Gill, like Jay-Z gave me a little taste of the party life, 2007-2009 gave me some filet mignon, and now I feel like this Hamburger Helper is killing me. To add insult to injury, six of our neighbors, are going bowling, while a seventh, the kids from DeKalb are taking their talents to South Beach for the Orange Bowl.

The Postseason Song is: Party Life by Jay - Z

Postseason Nutrition is: Hamburger Helper

Postseason Hydration is: Champale With slogans like: "A drink that'll make your mouth feel like Saturday Night" and "Live a little on very little" Champale is the perfect postseason drink for the Bulls. Giving us fond memories of the 12 Saturday nights we shared this year, and enjoying the few low-budget cheers this team allows us to have.

Postseason Meal Part 1:

Each UB Game In One Word.

Game After The Game Today
Georgia Promising Misleading
Morgan State Exciting Blasé
Kent State


UConn Soft Soft
Ohio Accomplishment "Special"
NIU Destroyed Assisted
Pitt Fire! Hindsight
Toledo Flu Hope
Miami Licata!!! Cautious
WMU Swell Meh
UMass Awesome Worrisome
BGSU Extension? Extension?

Goat of the Year #3: Alex Zordich

I wanted to love Z, but Z just never looked or felt right. Granted he may be our starting QB come 2013, but for the first half of 2012 he was a fixture on the goat list. Zordich is 1-11 as a starter, the 1 was against an FCS team. This year he was 1-7, and made the Goats List often.

The Kent game was to be our showcase, little did we know we were facing a BCS juggernaut. That said, our performance on offense was so far below subpar you can barely give Kent any credit for the win. On the brightside, the game led to the development of the best UB meme of the year:



4-22 for 92 yards and 1 TD and 2 INTs. Take away the hail mary and it's 3-21 for 46 yards and 2 INTs. Take away the one long pass to Hughes and it's 2-20 for 10 yards and 2 INTs, five yard per reception and a half a yard per pass attempt. That's bad and you should feel bad.

Z followed the Kent debacle with a more composed but still unfortunate outing in Connecticut. His passes were still high, his completion rate was still under 45% and his one throwaway was ironically not too high, it was intercepted, killing UB's most promising drive.

Against Ohio, Z played well, completing 48% of his passes, getting yanked, getting back into the game due to injury, and going 2-2 to pad his completion rating to 52%. However Z couldn't stay out of the Goat pages, After blowing a 14 point lead, UB drove down the field like they had twice before on the Bobcats defense. This time, a Zordich fumble derailed the drive, one of four fumbles by UB that cost the team dearly in what ended as only a seven-point loss.

In Zordich's last action on the season, Quinn basically made him fall on his sword, by running the already injured QB into the teeth of the vicious Toledo defense 11 times. That said, what else could we have done, Z was completing only 31% of his passes, 16% below the average of every other QB that day.

The injury against Toledo is the most unfortunate thing for Zordich. He missed the easy part of the schedule and the BGSU game where the Falcons dared Licata to scramble. Perhaps Z could have beaten BGSU with his legs and his arm.

When you complete less than 50% of your passes, when your passes are "too damn high" or just don't look right and when your running outshines your passing. You better win. Even if you win, you might find yourself on the bench, as another #15 in New York knows. At 1-11 all time and 1-7 this year, Zordich was definitely the #3 Goat of the Year.