After UConn shocked the world with their random self-proclaimed rivalry with UCF, EDSBS created the random rivalry generator.
Which got me thinking, what if every game was a rivalry game? In 2015, it would look something like this:
Game 1: vs Albany: The Battle for the Admiral's Flag
According to wikipedia, a flagship is any ship where the Admiral's flag is being flown.
While typically the first-rate ship in the fleet, it doesn't have to be, it just has to have the Admiral's flag.
SUNY embraces this, by having four flagships and thus no flagship.
I feel we've put too much emphasis on the size of the "ship" it's time to focus on the holder of the "flag"
He who holds the Admiral's Flag shall be the football flagship (hint: it's Buffalo).
Photo credit: WPA Pool/Getty Images
Game 2: at Penn State: The Battle of Beer-Run
Everytime I watch a game in Pennsylvania, I'm baffled by the awful you can only buy two six-packs at a time rule. No full-blooded Buffalonian has time to caravan to the store for a big buy or to continuously make trips to and from the car to buy 12 more beers, that's a waste of precious drinking time. Buffalo cherishes the beer run, a time honored tradition for one person who has a car and has not started drinking yet. That person has the duty to go to the beer store alone and order for everyone else. He's the unsung hero of any party or tailgate. Pennsylvania has no heroes.
Game 3: at FAU: The Pegula Conflict
While Pegula basically owns Buffalo now, he lives in Boca Raton, Florida, maybe he donates a couple dollars to the winner.
Game 4: vs Nevada: The I'm From X State, no not Y City Showdown
Both Reno and Buffalo share the pain of being in a State with a world famous city.
A Buffalonian will say "I'm from New York," people will reply "New York City?" and a Buffalonian will say "no not New York City, Buffalo."
A Renoite will say "I'm from Nevada," people will reply "Las Vegas?" and a Renoite will say "no not Las Vegas, Reno."
Game 5 vs BGSU: The Steel Winds Challenge
In 2003, Bowling Green opened Ohio's first wind farm: the Green Mountain Energy wind Farm. In 2007, Buffalo opened the more awesomely named Steel Winds wind farm. This game honors green initiatives, clean energy and the fact that BGSU and UB have nothing else really in common.
Game 6 at CMU: The Chips and Dip Showdown
Michigan's fired up chips take on Buffalo's Bison Dip and I'm hungry just thinking about it. Winner gets guac, and yes we know it costs extra.
Game 7 vs Ohio: The World's MACtionest Outdoor Cocktail Party
Georgia and Florida are too mainstream to celebrate drunkenness, but add in degenerate gambling and that's exactly the niche MACtion was made for.
Ohio and Buffalo have a lot in common, which is why we hate each other. Maybe getting together at the midway point (FirstEnergy Stadium, Cleveland, Ohio) and having a giant tailgate where we drink more than we should will make us better friends. What could go wrong.
Game 8 at Miami: The Battle for the Harrison-Cleveland Trophy
In 1888 Miami graduate Benjamin Harrison faced off against incumbent President and Buffalo resident Grover Cleveland. While Cleveland won the popular vote, Harrison won the Presidency by winning the electoral vote including every MAC state INCLUDING New York.
The battle forgotten in the annals of history rages on when the Red Redhawks (Republican-Harrison) take on the Blue Bulls (DemocratCleveland)
This game should always be played on election night.
Game 9 at Kent State: The Old School Showdown*
When UB and Kent State get together you don't know if it's 2015 or 1915. There is no weather channel to check the weather and plan appropriately in advance. There is no google maps app to easily navigate you around the bad weather and closed highway. There is no space aged pads, no nike sponsored apparel, they don't play with helmets...mostly because the truck driver with all the equipment hasn't arrived.
Old school SMASHMOUTH football.
*subject to random cancelation by conference
Game 10 vs NIU: The Windy City-Big Apple Leverage Shootout
Both UB and NIU hope to improve by leveraging their in-state major metropolitan area, and the rivalry reflects their ambitions. The four intra-conference Chicago - NY matchups ranked:
1) Notre Dame - Syracuse - No matter what I can laugh at the losing team for losing.
2) NIU - Buffalo - NIU is a great team, and UB is fun when they are good.
3) Rutgers - Northwestern - Pat Fitzgerald is fun to watch.
4) Rutgers - Illinois - I'd rather watch baseball, and I hate baseball.
Game 11 at Akron: The Rubber Bowl Rivalry
UB closed the Rubber Bowl down, permanently owning that piece of Akron football history.
Game 12 vs UMass: The Powder Horn
The Powder Horn is real and UMass going independent and never playing us again can't change that. They'll be back, and we'll be waiting to collect our annual auto-win.