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Don't Panic: Bobby Hurley is still Buffalo's coach

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Recapping Bobby Hurley's offseason with help from Douglas Adams

In times of stress, some people use the Bible for guidance. I use it plenty. I also think Moby Dick, the Odyssey, and Don Quixote are plenty good books with important life lessons.

But in the wake of escalated Hurley-to-Arizona-State rumors last night, the only place that I could turn is The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which has some important insight for Bulls fans.

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This is not a particularly serious post, but neither was The Hitchhiker's Guide.

DON'T PANIC

Ok.

But I'm kind of concerned. Sure, there was a few Charlotte trolls and some interested Tennessee bloggers, but the DePaul opening really tested our patience before apparently Bobby turned them down. St. John's and VCU could have been threats, but quickly moved to candidates with established ties to their programs.

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.

But ASU feels different. For one, it's national media breaking the story.

Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?

It might.

Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?

I know. A year ago all we wanted was a trip to the Big Dance. To get over the hump. I haven't forgotten saying that if any coach got us there, I wouldn't blame him for not moving on. And I'm not blaming him, but yea, it would be real nice to believe that there are fairies and another season with a loaded roster and still-improving head coach.

This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movement of small green pieces of paper, which was odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy

I know. And despite all the momentum around UB - not only in football and basketball, but in improved recruiting and investment across the board - we are still a MAC school who can only pay so much.

Well, I mean, yes idealism, yes the dignity of pure research, yes the pursuit of truth in all its forms, but there comes a point I'm afraid where you begin to suspect that the entire multidimensional infinity of the Universe is almost certainly being run by a bunch of maniacs. And if it comes to a choice between spending yet another ten million years finding that out, and on the other hand just taking the money and running, then I for one could do with the exercise.

And what about Hurley's end? Arizona State doesn't seem the best fit. He's barely recruited outside of the Great Lakes at all. VCU would have made sense for a coach still with something to prove. DePaul would have made sense for a coach looking to take a bigger step faster but still looking to lean on his base. Tempe just seems so foreign.

If somebody thinks they're a hedgehog, presumably you just give 'em a mirror and a few pictures of hedgehogs and tell them to sort it out for themselves.

I guess so. Hopefully before it's too late.

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This must be Thursday,' said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer. 'I never could get the hang of Thursdays.

You and me both, Arthur. I think the biggest stressor in all of this is just that nobody ever seems to know what Hurley is thinking, except Adam Zagoria, but there's no shortage of 'sources' right now, and this is the first time national media is breaking the connections.

"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"

It's especially strange because until dinner time last night, any contact between the two sides was rumored at best.

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable, here. But I am talking to a book.

One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious.

Shut up.

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If this comes down, and it may as early as today once Bobby returns from Aruba, what can we expect?

The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backwards-somersault through a hoop whilst whistling the 'Star Spangled Banner', but in fact the message was this: So long and thanks for all the fish.

We can only hope.

If we do need to get going with a coaching search, let's avoid back to square one this round.

We'll be saying a big hello to all intelligent lifeforms everywhere and to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks together, guys.