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Quinngarry Spoon White

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Scene: Initial Coaches meeting May 2012.

ubbulls.com

White: Let me have your attention for a moment! 'Cause you're talking about what? You're talking about, that field goal missed, some DB who didn't turn his head around, some recruit who didn't take your scholarship offer, so forth. Let's talk about something important.

[Witherspoon walks to the Coffee Machine]

Put that coffee down!! Coffee's for closers only.

You think I'm flecking with you? I am not flecking with you. I'm here from Ole Miss. I'm here for NYBI. And I'm here on a mission of mercy. Your name's Reggie?

Witherspoon: Yeah.

White: You call yourself a coach, you son of a bobcat?

Quinn: I don't gotta listen to this shaq.

White: You certainly don't, pal. 'Cause the good news is you're fired. The bad news is you've got, all you've got, just one week to regain your jobs, starting with tonight. Starting with tonight's game. Oh, have I got your attention now? Good. 'Cause we're adding a little something to this month's coaching bonuses. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Escalade. Anybody wanna see second prize? Second prize's a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired. Do you get the picture? Are you laughing now? You got players. We got 22k in the stands. Play the games and win them!

You can't close the leads you're given, you can't close shaq, you are shaq, hit the bricks, pal, and beat it 'cause you are going out!!!

Witherspoon: The leads are weak.

White: The leads are weak. Fleckin' leads are weak? You're weak. I've been in this business 15 years.

Quinn: What's your name?

White: FLECK YOU, that's my name!! You know why, mister? 'Cause you drove a Hyundai to get here tonight, I drove an $80,000 BMW. That's my name!!

[to Witherspoon] And your name is "you're wanting". And you can't play in a man's game. You can't close them. Because only one thing counts in this life! WIN GAMES.

W-T-M.

W-Win,

T-The,

M-MAC.

Win the MAC! Win the MAC!

N-Y-B-I New York Bulls Initiative.

New- are you doing something new?

York- are you Dutch?

Bulls-not bullshaq for christ!

And Initiative.

N-Y-B-I. Get out there!! You got the prospects coming in. You think they came to UB to get outta the rain? We don't need an indoor facility, a player don't come in to play indoors. The recruits are sitting out there waiting to sign a NLI are you gonna take it? Are you man enough to take it?

Witherspoon: Incredible.

White: What's the problem, pal?

Witherspoon: You. You're such a hero, you're so rich. How come you're coming down here waste your time with such a bunch of bums?

White: You see this ring, you see this 2005 MAC Championship Ring?

Witherspoon: Yeah.

White: I won that against you! Where are your MAC Championship Rings? You see, pal, that's who I am. And you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shaq. Good father? Fleck you, go home and play with your kids!! You wanna work here? Win!! You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse?

You can't take this, how can you take the abuse you get at Ohio?You don't like it, leave. I can go out there tonight, with the players you got and win by 15. Tonight! In two hours! Can you? Can you? Go and do likewise! N-Y-B-I!!

Get mad! You son of a bobcat! Get mad!! You know what it takes to win MACs? It takes brass balls to win MACs. Go and do likewise, gents. The wins are out there, you pick them up, they're yours. You don't, I got no sympathy for you. You wanna go out to these games and win, win, it's yours. If not, you're gonna be shining my shoes. And you know what you'll be saying, bunch of losers, sitting around in a bar. "Oh yeah, I used to be a coach, it's a tough racket."

This is facility money. This is the new facility money, and to you, it's gold, and you don't get it. Why? Because to give you new facilities is just throwing money away. Facilities are for closers. I'd wish you good luck, but you wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it.

And to answer your question, Witherspoon, why am I here? I came here because the President asked me to, they asked for a favor. I said, the real favor, follow my advice and fire your fleckin' butt 'cause a loser is a loser.