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The Pregame Meal: Miami 2012 Part 1

Miami, grab a fruity drink, order some Caribbean food, and feel the wind blowing the mist off the waves on the beach. Wait that's not mist, it is a poorly mannered Miami Offensive Lineman...

By Conrad Mostiller
Jamie Sabau

The Pregame Meal is still in Buffalo hoping everyone is safe from this week's storm. I blame Toledo for the storm, it was the Weather Gods' wish for Buffalo to win, with the rain it sent last Saturday and Toledo angered the Gods. (Also Buffalo 2012: So bad divine intervention can't help.) The goal of the pregame meal is to Hydrate, Nutritionate, and Player Hate. It is your bulletin board's bulletin board material. The Pregame Meal also delivers 11 factors that will decide the game, and over 50% of those factors are actual football facts. After the game, I revisit it all, during the postgame meal.

Overly optimistic Pregame Song: "A Change Is Gonna Come" Remember 4 years ago? Obama campaigned with the message of "Change" and became President while the Bulls changed from doormat to contender and ultimately champion. Oh sweet sweet 2008*. (If you don't remember 2008 read this piece from one of the greatest young writers in the game, on one of the best sites on SBNation) Red and Blue battle in early November again, and change will come; either we'll win and change the tide on this season, or we'll lose and get a step closer to a change at coach.

*Sidenote what is the statute of limitations on smack talking Ball State, 3 years? 10 years? Probably gonna be never:


Hydration: When I think Miami, I think Mojito, sure put some Hpno in it, the theme will be things more popular in 2008. Hpnotiq and Buffalo Bulls Football.

Nutritionation: When I go South Beach, I go Puerto Sagua for Cuban. I go with the #61 2 Chuletas De Cerdo Frita - 2 fried pork chops, rice and black beans. But if you festively like to roast and eat your opponent, eat some Redhawk with the Arroz Con Pollo A La Chorrera - Chicken and rice, paella style.

Player Hating:

  • Time for my Miami hate moment. October 16, 2004 45 degrees, 16 mph winds 1 inch of rain fell, miserable conditions. Buffalo came into the game 1-5. It was homecoming. The official record says 6793 fans showed up, I'd say it was more like 600, maybe 800 max. I was able to move with the team, down the stands, a perk of an empty building. It makes football much better when you are not stationary. When they master rotating stadium stands, I'll either be rich and love always being on top of the action, or poor and hating the 1% as my cheap seat is constantly rotated to ensure i get the view I paid for. Also I get motion sick so that would not be good.
  • I digress, Big Ben Roethlisberger was drafted in March of that year, (more on that later) and Josh Betts took control of the team. A Steven King plunge gave Buffalo a 7-6 lead at the half. Happy to see us playing well, the half ended with me near the visiting tunnel. Cleverly I gave the Miami players a jab: "Where's your Big Ben now?" In response, a Redhawk Offensive Lineman offered his own witty retort, he spat at me! Stay classy Miami, I hate you forever for that. Also we went on to lose 25-7.
  • I hate Big Ben, not because I hate Big Ben, but because Big Ben represents the foolish draft decisions of the Buffalo Bills. If you are not a Bills/Bulls fan, consider yourself lucky but for the rest of us born into football masochism we rue the 2004 draft. Eli Manning (2 rings) Philip Rivers, and Big Ben (2 rings) were all selected. Ben was #11, we drafted 2 spots later, picking Lee Evans at 13. We would later trade a bunch of picks to Dallas for J.P Losman at #32. If we had swapped picks with Houston, maybe we get Big Ben and have Sunday football to take the edge off Saturday losses.
  • Miami always talks about how attractive people are at their campus. Note: If you have to constantly talk about it, you're just showing us how insecure you are.

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