Five Levels of Miami Schadenfreude


As far as I'm concerned, Miami is free to go 0-12 every season, and I won't mind. I don't froth at the mouth like I do when thinking of Ohio, but I don't like Miami very much. Once upon a time they were my second choice school, but fortunately I avoided a Bundt-like situation there.

Anyway, if you feel bad for Miami this year, stop reading and go somewhere else. If you like the time honored combination of salt and wounds, check out these five extra chances to enjoy Miami's suffering

Mike Haywood

Coach Haywood was actually successful at Miami, leading the Redhawks in 2010 to a 8-4 season and a MAC Championship thanks to an Auburn-esque lucky tipped pass against #24 Northern Illinois. But only shortly after being hired away to Pitt - literally two weeks - he was arrested on domestic violence jobs and fired from the Panthers.

The football team has gone 9-26 (counting the 2010 bowl win) since Haywood's departure and arrest. He has not coached since.

Hockey vs teams from Boston

The Miami hockey team is unable to beat teams from Boston. Like, at all. For four straight years the Redhawks season ended with a loss to BC or BU. In three of those seasons, the loss was to the eventual national champion.

Season GP W L T Finish Playoffs
2006–07 42 24 14 4 3rd, CCHA Lost in NCAA Northeast Regional Final, 0–4 (Boston College)
2007–08 42 33 8 1 2nd, CCHA Lost in NCAA Northeast Regional Final, 3–4 (ot) (Boston College)
2008–09 41 23 13 5 T-2nd, CCHA Lost in NCAA National Championship, 3–4 (ot) (Boston University)
2009–10 44 29 8 7 1st, CCHA Lost in NCAA National Semifinal, 1–7 (Boston College)

Sometimes I like this:

I mean, 7-1.

And sometimes I don't: in 2009 Miami allowed BU to score twice with the goalie pulled over the final 3 minutes and ultimately lost the national championship in overtime. And BU's final three goals were all softies, too.

Screw you, Rico Blasi.

Hockey realignment

Thanks to Terry Pegula and the formation of the Big Ten Hockey Conference, Miami hockey, which has spent a ton of time in the top ten in the last decade was forced to jump into the National Collegiate Hockey Conference just to survive, and in doing so lost conference rivalries with Michigan, Michigan State, Ohio State, and Notre Dame, and traded them in for Denver, Colorado College, and North Dakota. Strong hockey schools, but not exactly the same name brand. Good luck with that, guys.

1992 Battle of the Bricks

In 1992 the Miami Football Team got pushed off the field by Ohio University..'s... Marching 101 band... alumni. I don't know what more to say there is about that, other than to present this video and say I think this year the band alumni could hang with them for a full 60.

Benjamin Harrison and Ben Roethlisberger

Miami is one of four schools to count both a United States President and a Super Bowl Champion Quarterback among their alumni. Unfortunately for the school, those representatives are Benjamin Harrison, who was only elected thanks to some fraudulent balloting in New York and Indiana, and who while in office oversaw both the Battle of Wounded Knee and the Dawes Severalty Act, which in the long run seems appropriate given his alma mater's nickname.

Ben Roethlisberger, well, is and has been a general scumbag that I'm not even sure the most ardent in Miami are proud of.

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