The Pregame Meal: UConn 2012

Phil Walter - Getty Images

The Pregame Meal UConn 2012: It's like "Eat, Pray, Love" Except the "Pray" is replaced by drink and the "Love" is replaced by hate. On second thought it is nothing like "Eat, Pray, Love."

The Pregame Meal is in Storrs, Connecticut. I am not sure where that is, but I am sure I'd rather be in Boston or New York. The goal of the pregame meal is to Hydrate, Nutritionate, and Player Hate. It is your bulletin board's bulletin board material. The Pregame meal also delivers 11 factors that will decide the game, and over 50% of those factors are actual football facts. After the game, I revisit it all, during the postgame meal. So many sled dogs here, good thing I brought my good sled.

Hydration:

Siberian Husky or Siberian Husky II, don't forget the coffee, it's a 12:00pm start.

If you are on the West Coast like I am, feel free to go with Hair of the Dog to recover from Friday night, it's a 9am start.

Nutritionation: When you win, coach takes you to In-and-Out.

When you lose, you get Bridgeport, Connecticut's own Subway, they serve breakfast now!

Player Hating:

  • I hate UConn I will refer to them only as UCant in this section.
  • I hate Dan Orlovsky but more the concept of him, his Huskies shut us out in 2004, it wasn't as bad as 2005 but I get an evil grin on my face every time I see this.

  • I hate 2005 UCant and Matt Bonislawski. The 38-0 opening day shellacking in 2005 really rained on my "maybe we'll be better this year" parade.
  • I hate the Marching Band Director, I don't know his name and this is strictly personal, had a run in with him in 2005. I love their Band, but the egos on band directors are ridiculous sometimes.
  • Fast forward to 2008/09, yep still hate UCant and Donald Brown, you couldn't let us have one Bowl win could you?
  • 2011, was as much our fault as anyones,but I blame Nick Williams, that little fast guy was quite annoying. I hate him a little and if he could not be as effective this year, I'd appreciate it.

A Little Love:

  • I love Paul P, I in my more uninformed younger days I took a shinning to the old Big East Syracuse Orangemen. I grew up and learned Syracuse is awful, but Paul is like that old unemployed uncle; you know now all the things that made him the cool uncle was just him being an unproductive member of society, but you still try to remember him as the cool uncle from your childhood.
  • I like that UConn serves beer in the stands or at least did in '05. I like a rowdy student section and for a team that has to bus their students in, they do a good job, I also like the white outs do they do white outs? I don't know they should, they probably don't.

Bonus Player Hating

  • IF I'm going to praise the fans, which I just did, I have to point out that their chant: U-C-O-N-N UCONN, UCONN, UCONN, is awful. I feel one day they saw the Jets do their J-E-T-S chant (which is also terrible, the worst chant in the NFL) and said can we steal that? I mean Jets is 4 letters, UConn is 5 letters, will it work with 5? I assume they briefly flirted with changing their abbreviated name to UCON to fit the chant, but then how would you know it was University of Connecticut and not University of Congo? Then they were like no biggie, you can totally do it with 5 letters and from that day on one of the worst chants in the NFL became the worst chant in college football.
  • Also really UConn? A giant end zone banner that reads: This Is UConn Country. Was that in dispute? Does anyone else even want it? It's like putting a flag on the moon. I guess it's a nice gesture but until the Herman Cain Moon Colonies sprout up its kinda unnecessary. I want to know why UConn felt the need to tell us that obvious statement and I hope they aren't trying to protect themselves from Yale, because having to defend your territory FBS football territory against an Ivy is just sad.

11 factors to decide the game.

1) UConn Offense vs Buffalo Defense:

Run, Run, Pass. Will the defensive secondary make a stop on that one pass. Signs point to no. Will we stop their run, probably. But if we can't stop that pass, we'll lose. The only chance Buffalo has is a UGA game effort from Colby Way, and a Herculean effort that includes at least 2 sacks from Khalil Mack.

Advantage: UConn

2) #1 Result on Urban Dictionary:

Bull: A word used by Philly cats to describe a male friend or male person.

Husky: One who is fat while still maintaining a "proper" body shape. Husky people are usually of healthy weight.

Advantage: Buffalo

3) Buffalo Offense vs UConn Defense:

UConn's defense is good, allowing only 2.47 yards per carry in their last 2 games, and only 41% pass completions. We are going to need a big effort from Branden Oliver The MAC Gods to not have a repeat of Wednesday night's debacle.

Advantage: UConn

4) NFL Team: Buffalo Bills (2-1) vs New England Patriots (1-2), On Sunday they battle, but as of now, The Bills have the better record.

Advantage: Buffalo

5) Turnovers:

Yes UConn stops the run, plays well against wide receiver screens, and forces incompletions. We're toast. Well not so fast my friend. UConn's Achilles heel has been turnovers, they are -6. We haven't exactly been cranking out the INTs, however outside of the ridiculous Kent game, we have been pretty careful with the ball.

Advantage: Buffalo

6) Google News Search Headline (non-sports related):

"UConn poll: Sense of well-being linked not only to economic circumstances, but political party, too."

"University at Buffalo partners with Zimbabwe universities to create international nanotechnology center."

Advantage: Buffalo

7) Key Player:

Nick Williams - Last year the speedy small Wideout had 2 catches for 113 yards and 1 Touchdown. In a game where neither team really played offense, that's like 500 yards. But in all seriousness, Williams wasn't that good outside of that Buffalo game. In his other 11 games Williams had 9 receptions 123 yards and 1 Touchdown.

UConn is working hard at getting Williams more involved in the offense this year. He already has 8 reception for 101 yards and he has a 58 yard punt return for a touchdown. We have had trouble stopping X-factors. First Todd Gurley, then last week Dri Archer and of course we got burned by Williams last year. Buffalo will have to creep up and shut down the run, but they have to ensure Williams doesn't find free space behind the linebackers.

Khalil Mack - Stop the run on first and second. Stop the passes to the tight ends. Maintain discipline, dont' fall for the playaction. When UConn gets in 3rd and long, their quarterback holds the ball, Mack must get sacks, and force fumbles.

We have yet to see an impact game from Khalil, it might be his day.

Advantage: Buffalo

8)House Protection:

UConn

Players from New York: 7

Players from Connecticut: 22

House Protection Index: 51

Buffalo

Players from New York: 37

House Protection Index: 64 10 point deduction for having no Nutmeggers, which is a nickname for people from Connecticut. I'm tempted to add 5 points back for not having any athletes from a state nicknamed after a spice, but some of the best players in UB history were Nutmeggers so 10 point deduction stands!

Advantage: Buffalo

9) Key situation:

2nd Down: It was 3rd downs last week, and Buffalo held Kent to 35% 3rd down conversions. In their five scoring drives combined, Kent only converted one third down. Kent was able to get a majority of their first downs on second down. Buffalo cannot win that way, they need to force UConn into 3rd and long, and then continue to play well on third. But until Buffalo proves they can force 3rd and longs...

Advantage: UConn

10) Slogan before you leave the locker room:

UConn: Play every play like it is the last play you will ever play.

Buffalo: Every player. Every play. Every day.

I'm gonna go Buffalo, the periods give you time to pause which gives it gravitas.

Is what I would have said, before I found out that the UConn quote was from Jasper Howard.

Advantage: UConn

11) Previous Results

Buffalo:

vs FCS Morgan St. 56-34

vs MAC Kent St. 7-23

UConn:

vs FCS Umass 37-0

vs MAC WMU 24-30

This week, we've de-emphasized the FCS game by cutting those points in half.

UB therefore scores 18 points on average and allows 20 in comparable games.

UConn cores 22 and allows 15.

Combining the averages with our indisputably SCIENTIFIC formula the final score will be:

UB: 17

UConn: 21

Advantage: UConn

Overall 11 Factors Pregame Meal Score: Buffalo 6, UConn 5. Buffalo wins a close one, again.

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