February 7th , 2012:
Headline: Memphis invited to the Big East
Temple Reaction: WhAT? We are TEMPLE, the Philadelphia Market is so important it should be double represented in the Big East. Who cares anyway the Big East needs us more than we need them, we were just trying to save them from being the C-USA… (that we said we wanted to join instead of the MAC, and of course now we may leave the MAC for the new weak C-USA, because why go to Cleveland (yuck) and Chicago (bleh) when we can go to Hattiesburg and El Paso)
February 5th 2012:
Headline: New York Giants World Champions
Temple Reaction: Are you kidding me, have you seen Bernard Pierce run? WE beat Maryland, yes the Maryland of a little football conference known as the ACC. We should be World Champs. Philadelphia, is way more important than New York City. #4 Media market that’s three more than #1!
November 1st, 2011:
Headline: Ohio Defeats Temple, Controls Destiny in MAC East:
Temple Reaction: Hosed in Ohio. The hick refs from the hick conference wanted to keep us down because we are the all mighty Philadelphia. The refs were paid by Villanova, as the Wildcats are jealous of our superior Philadelphianess.
November 4th, 2008:
Headline: Barrack Obama becomes first Black President of the United States.
Temple Reaction: He only won because hick polling officials in OHIO screwed us over, it should have been Temple ’08.
September 13th, 2008:
Headline: Willy’s last-second 35 yard touchdown pass carries Buffalo
Temple Reaction: That Hail Mary was created by the MAC to keep Temple down. See they wanted us to lose because we were going to win the MAC and leave to the Big East in a blaze of glory. But the MAC wants us here to use our precious Philadelphia market. Why do we even have to play 4 quarters against these sorry teams…we should give them a half at best…and at halftime we were winning 21-14…game over Temple wins.
July 4th, 1776
Headline: Continental Congress Signs Declaration of Independence
Temple Reaction: The biggest event in the history of the Colonies belongs in Philadelphia. But how did Temple not get an invite to the Congress? Saint Augustine's Church blocked us again no doubt. Does the Congress really think Britain will take them seriously without the TU and the Owl stamped on that paper? We bring in more football revenue than John Hancock. I’m just trying to help the Colonies…there is a war coming, and once it starts, if they think Temple is going to be around to help them they are wrong.