The Pregame Meal: Pittsburgh 2012

Alan Crowhurst - Getty Images

The Pregame Meal Pittsburgh 2012: I'm coming home. I'm coming home. Tell the World I'm coming home. Let the rain, wash away, all the pain of yesterday. I know my kingdom awaits and they've forgiven my mistakes. I'm coming home. I'm coming home. Tell the World that I'm coming.

The Pregame Meal is back to Buffalo for Homecoming Weekend. There is no place like home. The goal of the pregame meal is to Hydrate, Nutritionate, and Player Hate. It is your bulletin board's bulletin board material. The Pregame Meal also delivers 11 factors that will decide the game, and over 50% of those factors are actual football facts. After the game, I revisit it all, during the postgame meal. The Pregame Meal is Pitt's Dream Job.

Overly optimistic Homecoming Song: "Coming Home" - Diddy Dirty Money

Hydration: Backhand Panther: Not just a drink a way of life. Do your part, Backhand a Panther.

Cologne: Sex Panther by Odion: Illegal in 9 countries, made with real bits of panther, but 60% of the time it works every time.

Nutritionation: Last time we won, I ate a Braised beef brisket, bourguignon style from Beer Authority in Midtown Manhattan. It was unmemorable. But I am going to try to find something similar to that in San Francisco on Saturday. You all eat whatever you had before the Morgan State game 40 days ago.

Player Hating:

  • I never noticed this before but prior to the Pitt game last year, we invited Mark May to be the keynote speaker at last year's kickoff luncheon. Really May Day? A legendary Pitt Panther speaking to us, inspiring us to beat...the Pitt Panthers. Have you no loyalty? Can you be bought so easily? I don't trust you Mark May. (You're my boy Rece Davis!)
  • Ray Graham you are a poor man's Lesean McCoy.
  • Mike Shanahan, for some reason Jeff Quinn refuses to ever cover you. Your whole career was made on our backs. You got your degree, what are you still doing in school? Someone call the NCAA!
  • I hate that this game isn't at Heinz field, imagine Jeff Quinn's face over Bane's as he blows up Heinz...we could have done that. Well instead, take a look at this insiders look at the "Gotham Rouges" scene, just to see what Heinz field would look like if they could get that many Pitt fans in the building.

A Little Love:

  • Tino Sunseri, your more talented brother got an offer from Alabama, did you demand a free ride to Alabama or California? No, you stayed at Pitt. Your brother may get all the rings, but at least you are not a traitor getting sacked every other dropback... Holy crap you've been sacked 18 times...guess no good deed goes unpunished.
  • Pitt fans. On the scale of awful fans to tolerate, it goes: Boston, New York City, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh and then Ohio...the entire state. So normally I wouldn't praise Pitt fans. However, you are an honorary MAC team and I have to give all the fans who have stayed props. If you hire 3 Coaches in 3 years you might be a MAC team. If you hire an OC with no head coaching experience and he is shockingly in over his head, you might be a MAC team. If your HC says all the problems he didn't fix in the first 6 games are "fixable" you might be a MAC team.
  • I made nice, now take us to the ACC with you, if for no other reason, just to mess with Syracuse and UConn.

11 factors to decide the game.

1) Pitt Offense vs Buffalo Defense:

Pitt is the Bizzaro, Buffalo. They throw the ball really well, but struggle to run with consistency. Buffalo runs well and struggles to even complete a pass at times. Sunseri's completion percentage vs FBS teams this year: 65%, 68%, 76%, 63%. He is going to eat our secondary alive and burn our soft cushions like a West Virginian couch.

Now Pitt's Offensive Line is bad, so we COULD put pressure on Tino and force Sunseri into mistakes. Pitt has given up a turnover in every game except one this year. We could, but with LOL Tepper as DC, we wont.

To win, we will have to prevent Pitt's running game from getting any traction. In their win over VaTech, Pitt passed for 283, and ran for 254. In their 4 losses, Pitt averaged 285 yards passing, but only 112.5 yards rushing. Make Sunseri carry the team and eventually he breaks.

Fortunately we sit back and wait for someone who will give us a gift, and our front 7 should be too much for Pitt's front 5.

Advantage: Buffalo

2) Unprotected QB Tweets: Licata v. Sunseri

Round 1: Free Time

Winner Licata

Round 2: Sports Analysis

Winner Sunseri

Round 3: Campus Endorsement

Winner Licata

Advantage: FINALLY LICATA TIME - BUFFALO

3) Buffalo Offense vs Pitt Defense:

In their wins, Pitt has held teams to 1.7 yards per carry rushing. In their losses, 5.2 yards per carry. Buffalo is a run first team. With or without Branden Oliver. If we can get the Ohio rushing effort and not the NIU rushing effort, then it should be a good day for us.

Advantage: Buffalo

4) NFL Team

Buffalo Bills 3-3

Pittsburgh Steelers 2-3

Advantage: Buffalo

5) Key Player:

Russell Shell

Tino will do his thing, and chances are we'll hold Ray Graham in check. The person who has hurt us most this year, is the change of pace back. Freshman Russell Shell ran for 157 against VaTech and 96 against Louisville. We can't let a bit player play a major role in the box score.

Running Back De Jour. (AlBrandveon Pamuliversich?)

For a coach that would rather feed one RB 306 times then use 2 running backs, Quinn has had to dig deep into the bag for a back. What's going on with BO? Is Murie hurt or just in the dog house? Will the real Devin Campbell please stand up and maybe break a tackle while you're up there? Will Zordich be less Alex Zordich and more Jordan Lynch? I think yes to all questions.

Advantage: Buffalo

6) Google News Search Headline (non-sports related):

"Ohio Man Pleads Guilty to Threating University of Pittsburgh"

"Former First Lady Discusses Life After the White House"

Advantage: Pitt

7) Key Situation: Playing with a lead

We have played FBS competition for 5 hours, or 300 minutes this season.
Pitt has played FBS competition for 4 hours or 240 minutes this season.

We have been tied for 44 minutes and 52 seconds. (15%)
Pitt has been tied for 23 minutes and 25 seconds. (10%)

We have had the lead for 21 minutes and 23 seconds. (7%)
Pitt has had the lead for 73 minutes and 16 seconds. (31%)

We have trailed for 3 hours, 53 minutes and 34 seconds. (78%)
Pitt has trailed for 2 hours, 23 minutes and 19 seconds. (60%)

As we'll see later, Pitt isn't very good in the 1st quarter. Buffalo might actually get a lead, learning to keep the lead will be the key situation this week.

Advantage: Pitt

8) House Protection:

Pitt

Players from New York:2

Players from Pennsylvania:54

House Protection Index: 110

Buffalo

Players from New York: 37

Players from Pennsylvania: 7

House Protection Index: 81

Advantage: Pitt

9) Key Quarter: ALL THE QUARTERS

PITT: Scores the most in the 2nd and 4th quarter.
Allows the most points in the 3rd and 1st.

UB: Scores the most in the 1st quarter.
Allows the most points in the 2nd and 4th.

We are each others Bizzaro.

Advantage: PUSH

10) Fun fact:

The last time a Chryst was around, it was Rick, the former commissioner of the MAC. Rick left the MAC in June 2009, the final MAC football championship trophy he handed out was to the Bulls. His brother Paul is coach of Pitt.

Advantage: Buffalo

11) Game Score brought to you by: Science

Buffalo vs ranked team (UGA) 45-23 loss
Pitt vs ranked team (VaTech) 35-17 win

Buffalo vs undefeated (Ohio) 38-31 loss
Pitt vs undefeated (Louisville) 45-35 loss

Against high ranked team: Pitt +12 offense, Pitt +28 defense.
Against undefeated team: Pitt +4 offense, Pitt -7 defense

Thus Pitt's defense is 21 points better than Buffalo and the offense is 16 points better. It would be Pitt by 37, however, Pitt scores 12 points less on average on the road this year, this pulls them down to a 25 point victory. 37-12.

Advantage: Pitt

Overall 11 Factors Pregame Meal Score: Buffalo 6 - Pitt 4. The homecoming crowd goes home happy. 4 more years of Quinn! Chryst, not so much.

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